The power of meaning in human limitations! A note for International Disability

The power of meaning in human limitations!
A Note for International Disability

By Farsijana Adeney-Risakotta

Every person is born with a sensitivity that captures the voices around him/her. My husband always said I was surrounded with a lot of imagination. I express the imagination in a form that can be described with the words, touched and observed. I often see forms and shapes that could be interpreted as anything I have ever known. But sometimes there is a display of forms and shapes that I had never known before in my expression except depictions I have seen in my painting experience.  Then from painting, I build a new understanding that gives meaning, a different explanation of the original experience that is reflected in the words.

The philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein says about the limitations associated with the limited language in the word that represents an experience. Words can appear very static to maintain that experience is reflected from the same word, but there have been many changes at the level of reality. Sometimes the word evolves with a very different meaning from the original experience that reflects the original word. Conclusion seen in the thought of Wittgenstein is when the explanation cannot be described, limited express human experience.

Otherwise, Michel Foucault asserts limited experience and language occurs because there are restrictions made ​​in the norms. Good experience and a portion is often more easily expressed in words. Pressed in the human subconscious to experience different from expectations are provided in words. When a person is truly suffering but because religion causes suffering understood without recognition of the experience of pain.

I received a letter from our friends about the situation I'm wearing a body brace that surrounds the body. What am I feeling? Do I use it all day? This question is interesting. I want to develop this paper related to the above questions as well relate the dynamic range of explanations provided by Wittgenstein and Foucault. I will start from the simple explanation of how my life in its current state. 

Body brace is the latest invention in orthopedic technology in line with the development of computer knowledge. Ten years ago, when someone had a broken bone in the person’s limbs, broken parts should be covered with gypsum plesters. Six months ago, my right hand was wrapped with gypsum plaster for three weeks. After the tape was released I underwent physiotherapy for two months to restore the flexibility of the right hand. Running in the pain is healing.

During the period of physiotherapy, the more I feel my hands do not hurt anymore though I still train it to come back to touch my own face. Slowly my right hand could touch my face so it becomes easy to clean up my own face. Signal has been transmitted by the pain of my brain into action should a normal as the function of hands. I feel very good running signal coordination between my hands and the brain so that I can operate the functions in the hands with an entirely new understanding. I can formulate an understanding of new experiences with a more comprehensive explanation.

At that moment, I understood Michel Foucault who was able to express the experience of horror over the limit that has not been formulated in a sense that consciousness limited by the norms. I elaborate on each breath in pain by guiding myself to receive experience of pain as a way to restore the normal function of the right hand. I want to wash my face as before, hatchlings any water on the forehead around the entire face. When normality arrives, experience enrichs self in languages ​​beyond just the logical structure because my depth in describing each segment of sensitivity are caught as meaningful sense. At this level I understand the limitations explain experience logically as described by Wittgenstein. It is actually describing each segment of the signal’s response about a deep understanding of the entire self exposition  very clearly to be illustrated with a logical language that thrills and incomprehensible.

Using the shield aims to T - 11 and L - 4 could stand upright in the structure while allowing a tissue - tissue and muscle injuries healed before finally becoming strong to support my spine. I give myself permission to release the muscles to heal from a trauma. Phasing healing occurs by opening to the shared knowledge of orthopedic experts. They taught me about the rise of rehabilitation that can be done by sick people while gradually restoring strength independence.

Body brace I am using to wear when I am not in bed. Before getting out of bed, I need to be helped by someone who can put the shield on the rear right position. I roll like a block of wood to the sideways position on the right to be paired rear shield. Then I rolled back again with a shield to the left lateral position to align its position before the front of the shield is placed. Adhesive attaching the left and right on the front of the shield should be done at the same time starting from the bottom.

There are three segments to be tied. Attaching shield strongly is very important because it protects the bones that are allowed to recover. My husband with his strong hands can do very well. After that I could wake up with being woken slowly to avoid of staggering. Feeling dizzy when getting up is because when I lay down, my body should not be flipped to the left and right side . The position of the body is flat without bending the requirement to return the bones in the spine structure that already exists.

Go to bed or wake up I need help to install and open the back shield. If nobody at home, I go to bed without opening the back shield . I woke up with replacing the front shield and rose slowly before then walking like a turtle. I move slowly, but I try doing as much as I can. I still need lots of help from my families.  Maybe when this accident occurred in Indonesia, I need many days in the hospital. But I was only two and a half days in the hospital Ventura County Medical Center. In a short time I was trained by two physiotherapists about how I had to walk upright, in and out of bed and to the toilet. Then a specially physiotherapist came to teach me how to use tools for putting socks, shoes, pick up something unreached with my hands.

Physical independence is important to have in conjunction with emotional and intellectual independence. Emotional impact of the limitations of my body was to try understanding the meaning of our accident. Immediately after discharge from the hospital, I was aware of the relationship of my pain with my brothers and sisters’s suffering in Papua. Someone from our friends ask how I know about this accident in connection with my previous experience up to the time I understood the intent. I actually have already explained in my other writings about power of God at work in the human struggle. I want to repeat again to put it in the way I use the expressions of the two influential philosophers in me.  

How do I know about what's happening now with linking the signs before? This contextual question of  someone,who understood my stories when we were in New Mexico. I feel like in New Mexico where I was reminded of the experience that has ever happened in my life. The duck shapes found on the stone reminds me of my early days to the Netherlands where I went to study but had to struggle with the winter that I had never experienced. The name of the river where I found the stone , Animas Rivers actually means “spirit” as explained by a pastor whom we shared the story.  When we arrived in New Mexico, the first place we visited after taking by our host was the Animas River, and without our knowing it was also the last place we went to see the ruins of chaco culture that was built along the river.

New Mexico is also the first place ten years ago where I began my journey to serve Indonesia.  At the time, mas husband had been already worked at Duta Wacana Christian University in Yogyakarta, Indonesia. While waiting for my Ph.D examination in the Netherlands, I was invited by Duta Wacana Christian University to build the office of International and Human Resources.  Presbyterian Church USA which has supported my husband, accepted me to work together with him in my country, Indonesia. New Mexico, Ghost Ranch was a place that I equipped with the skills of how to work in rural areas.  I had lived in rural areas in North Maluku to work for 5 years at the Center for Rural Studies and Training in Tobelo. But at Ghost Ranch, New Mexico, I learned something new and was able to reflect my previous work in rural areas. So when we went to New Mexico in the middle of October 2013,  I felt like I went home. Going to New Mexico was our last trip before we went to the trip of Southern California where I had our car accident.

Awareness about returning to my own home became stronger when on a trip to New Mexico that I got a  Navajo blanket " Hin - mah - too - yah - lat - Likert " which according to a friend that is a quilt given to a baby girl  of Indian tribes. This quilt has a deep meaning that I connect with my teenage years when I have envisaged being a child of an Indian chief. The design of the blanket named Chief Joseph that gives deep meaning to me connecting with the indigenous people who are struggling for justice and peace in Papua.

Independence of emotion is needed in the understanding of the meaning of pain that occurs in humanbeings. But I wonder whether my explanation has answered my friend's question , a question on how I know about the relationship between the accident that call me to fight for my brothers and sisters’s suffering in Papua. I did not know about the accident that happened to us. I had no inkling about the existence of an accident. Someone who read my blog telling about her feelings that often arise imagine of what happened if she had an accident. I did not know about when the accident happened to me, but I know about myself, especially when the events that occurred with results were seen to weaken my view as so-called normal. When that happens contrary to the logic, normality, expected needs, I believe that events were beyond my control so I immediately handed over control to the power of the Almighty who is controlling me. I immediately felt the Will of God and to ask God to guide me.

We only know about an event happening today as a result of the ability to see connections with sensitivity - past experiences that bind to the present and future events. While certainty about the future also we cannot understand. Six months ago my hands covered with gypsum when I was preparing for my exhibition , but I experienced a miracle from God so I could paint the outside of my awareness that I know about what I described . Strangeness occurs mainly because there are other people who see and ask how I know about what I described.  The painting I have refered came out from my poem titled Execution God .

 

I'm still standing here
In the homeland
When feel the vibration
bulldozers demolish
house of God
Once mortal sturdy poles
melt
Storks fly
Tells the coming disaster
Sound of a dog barking
vibration rose
trees tread
Proclaim the years of distress

My foot rests
In the homeland
I have felt the hand of the Creator
standing together
The souls of the founders of the country
staring deep
presumption bulldozers
the name of the law
knock
house of God
on the ground of his own

In the homeland
bluster
water comes
With the fishes
Delivering warning
vanity
Those in power
Taking the right to life
In the name of Allah

In the homeland
I go on a trip
carve mortality
in the struggle
historical
In order for immortality

Given the struggle
Ever mortality revoked
by their
In the name of Allah

In the homeland
All mortal already sold
My soul just standing there
Together with the Creator
I go to the house of God
When shade uprooted
Only the remaining mortality
They unplug mortal
Anxious depressed untangling
conscience

 

                                                My painting titled Execution God

This poem is my lament after my brothers and sister who embrace  Islam Shia in Madura were chased and killed. It was also my cry for the brothers  and sisters of Ahmadiyya when their mosque in Tasikmalaya, West Java was destroyed.  It was sadness to see the Christian church in Bekasi to be removed with bulldozers. I feel lament why humans must kill each other because the truth claims about God. In the poem, I wrote that God is very angry and sad because of the ground which God’s existence  has been destroyed by humans. I give the image of the picture of Semar that I took from the roof of our pavilion house to company the poem titled Execution God. So when I paint the vizualization of the Execution God , I intended to paint Semar as seen in the picture that graced this poem in my blog, Indonesianku Indonesianmu Indonesia untuk semua.  

I started painting in the photo resembles like in the poem. Many times I tried, it turned out differently. It did not resemble the painting appearing on the photo . Finally, I followed only what my left hand wanted to paint. Never before in my life using my left hand, but only because my right hand bandaged, I painted with my left hand . After I finished painting, I realized that my left hand depicted Semar who is in the house that the poles being pulled by two hands , the left and right that are breaking down the sacred poles where they woke up. The hands are then widened to hammers that have caption say  PERDA (local laws ) and SKBM namely Joint Ministerial Decrees. My left hand drew Semar very differently from the original photo that I was observing as an example to draw apparently. In painting with my left hand, Semar became a handsome person, dashing fury that shown and I gave him green eyes. I also do not know why I painted green eyes of him.

 

A friend of mine, a devout Muslim who is  also a very close to Javanese puppet show (perwayangan). She is a woman who came to my house to see my preparation for the  exhibition.  When she saw the painting, her heart pounded.  She called me to come closer to the painting so that I could explain to her.  She wanted me to explain the painting of  Execution God. Then I explained as I described above. But my friend asked: "How do you know about the green-eyes of Semar? The question was similar to the conclusions made by Ludwid Wittgenstein, when the words limited, experience cannot be expressed.

I cannot explain how I knew the language of Semar going angry to change his eyes from brown color to green eyes.  I never knew about the puppet as it is known by my friends . Instead of my friends only know about the green –eyes of  Semar as a story that is heard in the puppet performance . Reality faced by both my friend and I was very interesting to understand that words and language as an experience can be meaningful when linked to the fact that real connection between the old habits in a new act in the present world. Intuitive actions lead me to strengthen the image by connecting the coloring that talk about specific events. Intuitive sense of thrill fingers of my left hand to paint faces with the authority of Semar courage shades that look on a handsome person in wayang puppet performance.  So alluring views look  on Semar’s face resembles a young knight and noble. The feeling that there is in my self-reflection and then flows through the fingers of my left hand illustrates the powerful presentation of Semar born in the imagination of ourselves as existing force so long waiting to be displayed .

But I cannot explain, as I wrote above. I said to the friend: "I do not know, I just wanted to give a green color of his eyes". My friend was shocked and looked at me deeply. She said God guided me when the painting depicted. Then my friend explained that in puppetry Semar when becoming angry, apparently turned into a young, handsome person with green eyes. Semar is one of the Gods in Javanese puppetry that tells about the nature of the Creator in human form, who is very ugly but represent human life of suffering. Semar is the only figure in the puppet refering to developed of God figures in Javaness Hindu. So there is no story of Semar in Hindu mythology in other traditions beside the one in Java.

I chose Semar because in Indonesia, especially in Java, we know that Semar is the defender of the little people. Semar's clown as part of the story that is symbolic of the defense of the Creator to those marginalized. Describing a poem about the execution of such a house of worship where  Semar exists, has  suggested  that houses of worship are the property of the Creator in favor of the little people, those who are minorities. Claiming the truths of religion tends to force the majority to the minority group of for the purpose of compliance controls actually has  limited the diversity of human expression in worship of the Creator. Breadth and depth of the Creator that cannot be formulated in human language, it can be reduced in beliefs about the authenticity of the revelation that is claimed to be the most correct. Regulations are made by humans, such as the government considered to contain the truth of God that can lead to violence to each others.

So this same question asked by a friend in New Mexico, how do I know about the signs right now to be associated with signs of past and future.  Perhaps my writing can explain the question of my friend in New Mexico. My explanation may be considered irrational primarily associated with the statement made by my muslim friend in Yogya who thought that the Almighty gave me wisdom  and sensivitiy to understand about Semar though I never knew the story told at puppet show that Semar’s eyes changes when he gets angry.

I know that all forms of destruction, injury and death resulting from humans is not controlled by God. When I asked about why humans want to destroy each other because of differences in how to understand God , I actually am allowed by the Creator to explain the suffering of fellow human beings who can be recorded in a narrative form that will always remind about the human destruction that have been done in the name of God . The way that an omnipotent Creator himself will touch those who were killing each other in the name of God. God has the power that cannot be described in human experience even want to be understood by Michel Foucault and Ludwig Wittgenstein to understand the journey of suffering that can be explained in the language of human intimacy of the omnipotence of God.

Is it then I can be sure about something that will happen in the future based on the experience after two times in a row I woke up in a state of sleep and get my right hand had slipped when I fell on the floor of the bed and my husband awakened when we had an accident with the fire located under the car? I wrote a letter to our friend whom I feel like they were the home to prepare us to face this accident with courage and grateful.  I said, probably we were alive today to mark the future challenges we would have to face. To my sister, I wrote about suffering as a way to train ourselves to face difficult times we have to last. We all do not know what will happen. But in practice there are many physical limitations to us through the difficulties in building a shared understanding of life in the community for the sake of peace and happiness. Inviting God to strengthen us to walk in the world is the most expedient way because as humans, our sensivitiy kept sharpened to understand the signs of the times without the need to speed up the process because the actual control is in the hands of the Creator.

Now I am writing this article to the many people who become disabled because of the violence that occurs in them. They were born in the world with birth defects before being rejected by all. They are victim of war. They are noted their struggle for justice. I am writing to indicate that the physical, emotional and intellectual limitations cannot hamper the people to understand the mystery that is happening around us. A person, who regarded with disabilities are among  the most sensitive in understanding each experience as it could explain the relationship between the past and the future by presenting a meaningful explanation on the sign in the present context. Dark space in the soil can be explained if only the body that is located directly on the ground. Undaunted, within our limitations, beyond the normal appearance can explain to everyone about the normal human need to choose the way that the world continues to be inherited in peace. They have a sensitivity for the entire human body being trained to listen directly to the universe in which the existence of God is living and sharing life with other human beings. Their bodies are disabled but their soul, spirit and their faith life with the Creator. They are better than strong ones used bulldozers, guns, violence to force others subject to the will of self that is not derived from the Creator.